I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize