Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
