The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
