i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize