yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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