dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
