So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
