Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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