lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
