I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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