I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
