he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
