This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize