So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
