I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
