Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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