She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
