then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
