So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
