need another drink. this is the easiest way
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
