My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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