My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you had me at cake vodka
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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