Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
