I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
