Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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