I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize