Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we're making bets on your personal life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Randomize
