He is an equal opportunity slut.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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