apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
