Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
