Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize