I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
