He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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