Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
