I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
