He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont even know how to be here
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
