I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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