Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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