Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
