I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
