Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
