her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
