she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
