dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
