Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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