fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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