I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
