Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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