ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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