I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
