you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
