My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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