oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
