She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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