Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
