i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
