The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
