I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize