dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
