Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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