One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
