So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
