Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
