i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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