Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
