Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
