Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
