Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
