During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
