my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
