ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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