Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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