Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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