You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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