Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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