If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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