what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
